Thus, resolutions.

I want to start a year with real goals. I want to record these goals, and remind myself of them, so that I won't forget while wallowing in a rainy-day funk that at one time I had aspirations beyond lying on the couch, feeling sorry for myself and spying on the neighbors through the slats in my blinds.

I have lofty goals. They are probably unattainable. They aren't necessarily meant to be tackled in a single year. But if I achieve a couple of them, at least I'll be better off than I am now. And I promise not to beat myself up if I don't do all of them. Just ... if I don't do any of them.

They include, but are not limited to:

1. I will volunteer. I want to do something with kids, preferably mentor, become a literacy tutor, or volunteer in the city schools.

2. I will see a therapist. I need to work on several things, namely trying to stop being overly sensitive, developing a stronger sense of confidence, and overcoming my tendency to self-criticize.

3. I will learn something new. I just have to decide what ... I'm thinking about taking a class in Japanese actually. Or an art class. Or a wine class. And I want to continue learning how to play chess.

4. I will work harder at being neater and more organized. Especially considering that this causes many of the fights that A. and I have, I need to try harder to stop leaving 7 pairs of shoes, a month's worth of Entertainment Weekly and countless pairs of socks lying around the bedroom. I need to really try this.

5. I will not work so hard. I've already decided to stop freelancing, and I'm going to do my best to leave work by 5:00 when I can. I took this corporate marketing job so I could have a normal life for a change, and a normal life I will have.

6. I will be a better friend, daughter, sister. This is a huge one. I will make more phone calls, write more emails, and schedule more lunches, dinners, outings. I will make myself more available. I love my friends and family so much, and I must be better about shwoing it.

7. I will exercise regularly, including doing more yoga. I will feel better physically and mentally; I want to start doing kickboxing again too.

8. I will run a marathon.This is an extremely lofty goal. Don't be surprised if this one doesn't come true by next year. But, suddenly I have the desire to do it ... or see if I can. I'm not a runner, but J. has been encouraging me to try it for the past two years, and suddenly I'm thinking about it a lot. It's a mind over matter thing, I think.

9. I will write more stories. I have a few ideas brewing; I want to become more confident and stop procrastinating about sitting down and writing.

10. I will kick my silly bad habits. These aren't life-threatening things like smoking or drinking too much vodka. These are compulsive little things like picking my cuticles and cracking my neck, but they cause me pain and are unattractive and ... well, crazy.