I'm feeling much more at ease with her than I usually do. Though I have this totally psychosomatic thing that always happens before she comes: a few hours before her plane is scheduled to arrive, I always throw my back out. The logical explanation is that I am hurrying to clean the house up and am not as careful about using my knees to bend as I usually am. But it happens every time she visits. And it hurts, goddammit.

We're picking out wedding dresses. I'm a little nervous, because she has a habit of strongarming me into what she thinks is the best choice, and she has declared that she wants to pay for the thing, so I suspect she thinks she's going to have more than a little say over the matter. Today I took her to get a facial in Palo Alto and we happened to see a bridal salon next door. We walked in and there was a pretty dress (I suspect a bridesmaid's dress, because it wasn't hanging in a bag like the bridal dresses) hanging on a rack near the door. I said "That's cute," and she immediately leapt toward the price tag, saw that it was $450, and got very excited. She decided we needed to make an appointment to return there tomorrow, even though we already have two appointments to try on dresses at places I've already visited.

Mind you, I'm already in love with a dress some place else.

In the car she said: "Wouldn't it have been a shame if you'd paid $1,100 for that other dress before you'd found this one for $450?"

As in: "This is the dress you're buying."

I haven't even tried the damn thing on.

I tried to explain to her the difference between the dresses I've picked out and this one: today's dress had some beads coming off of it, and didn't seem to be as well made, and had this weird cape thing that I didn't like.

She wasn't buying it.

Oy, something tells me this is going to become a huge politcal battle, and I really don't want it to be.

I just want to find the absolute perfect dress for me, no matter what it costs.

And I am prepared to pull out the ol' Mastercard and pay for it myself if it becomes an issue. But I really don't think I'm going to have a good time with her if she insults the dresses I'm trying on because she's in love that other one.

Once again, I'm worried over nothing, probably. But when it comes to Mom, that seems to happen often. Always anticipating what she's going to do or say next that I can get defensive about.