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1�0�101010�0�1 2002-09-10, 3:35 p.m.

complacency, interrupted


Has it really been four days since I've updated this site? I'm a slacker, confirmed.

Interesting few days, I suppose. The woman at the big company wrote me back Friday evening to let me know that I've made the final cut. I spoke with her this morning and am scheduled to meet with the senior vp of marketing, plus take a writing test. Something that, in her words, "Should be a walk in the park for you, colddigits."

Which, and I hope I'm not reaching here, reads as a good sign.

I got the official "promotion" at work, yet strongly suspect it's TT and the VP blowing smoke up my ass. They promoted Crazy Editor Lady, though they tried to play it off as a way to remove her from having contact with clients, since she's so damned hard to get along with. Whatever. TT is still being evasive and not getting me what I need to do my job. Plus, my "promotion" will involve only project management and very little writing. Which is what I'm really good at.

I've been trying to pose as a design director, and sometimes I just don't get it. I believe i understand good design well, then get into these nit-picky sniping matches with our on-staff designer when she feels like I'm not interpreting her designs correctly, or make a change on the fly. And I look at the page and think it looks fine. Which makes me wonder: am I really as design-ignorant as she makes me out to be, or is she being petty and territorial?

Maybe a little bit of both.

Anyway, that's all my way of saying that despite a big raise and promotion, I'm still REALLY looking forward to seeing what happens with this new job.

So September 11 is tomorrow. Just in the past two days I've heard a lot of people talking about how sick they are of all the coverage and the hype. Mayor Willie Brown of S.F. is trying to get all the traffic lights in town to turn red at 5:46 a.m. tomorrow. Lots of TV stations are suspending regular programming, the NY Times is publishing a special edition, etc, etc.

I'm not sure how I feel. I've been watching the date approach with dread, knowing I would be extremely emotional. Yet it's just another day, like any other day, and we still need to go about our lives. It has felt weird to schedule any appointments or meetings on that day because it feels like we should be reverant and postpone ordinary activities. And yet, it's a day. Like any other.

And after a year, my anxiety is finally subsiding, my underlying sense of sadness finally dissipating, and I am reluctant to call it all back. Selfishly.





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