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1�0�101010�0�1 2002-09-03, 5:20 p.m.

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I'm having bachelorette night. A. is at a Giants game with some schmoozy PR guy who wants to get in good with him. So I'm going to eat a salad and fix a bowl of couscous and watch the rest of the first season of The Sopranos, and respond to all the personal emails I've been getting lately because of the Save the Date I sent out for the wedding.

I'm in a kind of weird place right now. My second-round interview at The Monstrously Large Corporation went extremely well. In my first interview, the VP of marketing (the man who would be my boss' boss), spent 20 minutes over the time allotted for the interview discussing how Raymond Carver is a Hemingway with brains; the theme of alienation in 1970s novels; and Richard Ford's hatred of all of his characters. Not a bad sign. I called the woman who would be boss this morning, and she told me that she was on "pins and needles" waiting to hear how the rest of the team received me, which, according to her, was remarkably well.

On the other hand.

I got a big raise at work. TT keeps talking about the "good things to come" with my new role (whatever that means). I'm making more money. I'll be a manager, perhaps.

I was talking with A. last night about the importance right now that I try to put everything in perspective. How, though it might look good on a resume to become a manager, I really need to focus on my happiness in the here and now. The Monstrous Corporation job is in the city, in a great neighborhood, the people all seem sane and down to earth, and I would be writing for a change, which I don't get to do nearly enough. Plus, A. and I could move to Oakland to be closer to our friends, I could take BART to work every day, we could live in a neighborhood where things stay open past 10:00 ... that kind of thing.

So ... future career potential (and present despair) vs. present happiness (and ok future career potential).

I just don't want to be one of those adults who hates her job. I want my children to have a mom who loves what she does. It will make me a happier person. I'm convinced of that.



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