I'm basically trying to keep my work problems to myself while at home. A. and I had one of our half-arguments the other night (the kind we always have, where we're both very upset but not really at each other, just at the various stressers in our lives).

See, I've been going home and asking about his day, one of my favorite things to do now that I'm in a relationship that truly respects back-and-forth dialogue and not self-obsession (like with my last relationship). And he tells me about meeting with all these VPs, and going to lunch with PR people, and having probing and meaningful conversations with people who are actually making a difference in the world.

Then he asks me about my day.

And I dump on him. I mean, my summary-of-day generally consists of blow-by-blow detail of some inane conversation I had with the crazy editor lady, or some subtle putdown I endured from another coworker. By the end of it, I begin whining once again about how I get no respect, how my work environment is insane, etc. It's never positive, nor meaningful, and I get so down and crazy about the whole thing the more I talk about it. Being a man, he wants to help me do something about it (classic Mars/Venus scenario), but I'm so wasted by then that all I want to do is go sit on the sofa and watch "Cribs," not go to my computer and apply to companies that will never call me back.

We decided that it would best for our relationship if I stopped talking about it. I know that makes him sound insensitive, but he isn't. And it helps me put everything behind me when the day is over.

Problem is, I can't keep it bottled up. I'm not good at that. And I almost feel guilty using this space to unload it all; this should be good, productive writing space, a place for me to uncover all those ideas locked in my head.

So I think I need to see a shrink. Seriously.

I actually have two job interviews on Friday. But TT keeps hinting around that something really good is going to happen tomorrow in my evaluation with our department head. So I'm intrigued, but also a little confused. If she offers me a huge raise and a promotion, and supports me and empowers me and gives me real responsibility, will I want to leave still? Especially in this market, knowing how poorly people are paid in my industry? Furthermore, will A. be angry with me if I cave and stay here?

God, this is stupid. But also, possibly, good. I know I'm far from the only person in the world who is doing mindless and meaningless work. And I'm getting paid really damn well. But I'll tell you, there are definitely days when money is not a motivator.

***

On a happier note, my mother is flying out in September to go dress shopping with me, and I'm acutally excited about it. A. will be out of town on business, so we can go do girly things. And I've been really into doing girly things lately. Scary how fast you change when there's a stack of wedding magazines by your bed.