I have this freelance article due and am putting off calling people for it. Every time I do this. I wait until the last possible minute because I hate calling and interviewing people. Then I panic because it's not finished. Why do I do that?

What makes me scared of people?

I'm perfectly fine, if maybe a little awkward and shy, even around people I know well. Yet interacting with other people is one of my least favorite things to do.

Weird weird weird.

I'm not antisocial. In fact, I love being around friends, going out, having good conversations. But dealing with people I don't know well is extremely difficult for me.

I wonder if I have that social anxiety disorder thing? Actually, my great uncle has it legitimately, and takes medicine for it. He trembles when he has to go out in public, and has essentially limited his interactions to very close family members and friends he's known for decades. Forget dating. (And he's pretty cool, for a 75-year-old man.)

I've been feeling some general dissatisfaction lately, and I'm not sure what it is. It's driving me crazy. A. and I fought a lot this weekend, and at one point I had to leave the house, and I found myself stewing and thinking about leaving, just packing up and moving back to Ohio, admitting that California has defeated me and that I am ready to lead a bare bones life.

But it hasn't defeated me and I'm truly not ready ... will never be ready ... to revert back to that. So why am I so grumpy?

I want definitive success, and challenging work, and a balanced life, but I'm not sure I'm willing to work hard for it.