We're between projects here at work ... I guess I should say, I'm waiting for the resolution of a couple of big projects ... and I have very little to do. I have a few things I could be doing, but I'm unmotivated and therefore bored. I have all this creative energy pent up inside of me, and currently nothing to channel it into. It's times like this I know I should try to write, but I don't, whether it's because I feel guilty or because I just don't know how to begin. I spent so many years out of college beating myself up because I was neglecting my fiction writing, and finally I forgave myself and made a deal with myself that I wouldn't force it, that I'd only do it when it felt right. But that didn't really help either, except to make me feel justified for slacking off, and I know if I just started again it would feel oh-so-good. Perhaps an ideal outlet for all this tension I've been experiencing.

So much has happened since I last posted an entry on this thing (not that it matters, I don't think anybody is reading it anyway). I endured a weekend in which my headache problem finally, er ... came to a head, for lack of a less corny term. I couldn't shake it; I actually took the day off work and went to the doctor. I'm very disillusioned with the medical profession right now; Kaiser keeps wanting to give me pain medication. I finally insisted that I needed some nice cozy antidepressants and a trip to the neurologist.

I was talking to a coworker just before all that happened, though, and she told me she was taking a week-long acupressure class. It intrigued me. I had been noticing neck and back pain associated with my headaches, and the tension in those areas has gotten so unbearable lately that I keep insisting Andrew give me back rubs. So finally it dawned on me -- ever since I wrote the book, I've been way stressed, and it's manifesting itself in all sorts of nasty ways. So I found a massage therapist. She's incredible, kind of goofy but very friendly, and almost like a head-therapist: she kept asking what was going on in my life that I had let myself get that tight. I've felt so much better, and I haven't had any headaches. So I'm now devoted to this woman.

But I'm so bored.