I have to keep reminding myself of several things:

• I moved to California to be with clean air and pure sunshine and happy-go-lucky people (even though S.F. was just rated the No. 3 meanest city in the country � I'm sure Philly is up there in the top 5). I moved here to be near a fantastic city and beautiful seashore.

• The man I love is waiting at home for me every night, and my life is otherwise going amazingly well.

• I have good friends here, who will look out for me.

• I'm getting paid so fucking well.

Still, it's hard not to get depressed.

I'm the only fool here this morning. I think everybody else shares my sentiment about not wanting to get out of bed.

I had a long talk with Susan last night. Her stepdaughter-to-be is sounding confused and caught between two worlds (which sounds all too familiar to me). But unfortunately she's channeling it in a negative way. Susan, who has always had a very stable home life herself, has a hard time dealing with that, and she's sad about losing D.'s friendship. I miss Susan a lot, and wouldn't miss her wedding this spring for the world.